(written for TOI in 2005)
I recently found that I am gifted with an ‘animal instinct’. Whether it is a gift or not is highly debatable. Consider this, every time I take my trusted 100-cc motorbike out on the roads of Delhi, the sound attracts every passing stray dog on the road, who chase the bike like it was a member of the opposite sex. Animal instinct indeed.At this point, I flee for his life by speeding away, but at the very next crossing, instead of any traffic policeman on duty, find another dog ready to vent his sexual frustration on my precious vehicle.Delhi’s dogs also seem to have an ‘attitude problem’. The last time I stopped at a traffic light, a dog nonchalantly walked up to my bike and proceeded to relieve himself on the newly retreaded front tire. By the time I realised what the ‘cunning canine’ was up to, the rascal vanished into thin air. Almost like a hit-and-run accident on the Capital’s roads. It seems that the dogs don’t realise Maneka Gandhi is not in the government anymore.Coming back to animal instinct, I had a first-hand experience of the Hindiproverb ‘aa bail mujhe maar. But in my case it was a bull instead of a ‘bail’, who had unfortunately decided to rest in the middle of the road. Well, the animal-lover that I am, I tried to avoid disturbing the animal’s rest, but in the process almost gave myself some rest...in peace. To avoid crashing into Lord Yama’s transport, I crashed my own transport, (yes, the same trusted bike that the dogs love) into the road-divider. The accident resulted in some nasty bruises, a tetanus injection and of course sick leave. Now, I go around telling people that I used my animal instinct to get my insensitive company to give me sick leave.
Of course any story about NCR roads is incomplete without the mention of cattle. A cow blocking the road is such a routine happening in our country that people don’t seem to mind anymore. One wouldn’t be surprised if accident figures show cows at par with blueline drivers for causing the maximum road mishaps. Like most Delhiites, I’ve had my share of ‘cattle-battles’. In fact, I tried to banish my ‘cow-wardice’ on the roads with a serious man-to-cow talk. So when I ran into a cow the other day, I gave it a piece of my mind on traffic rules. The rude animal however, continued to chew something in a rather arrogant fashion, almost like an Australian cricketer and completely ignored me. I felt like I was facing a babu ina government office.To avoid such ‘animal anomalies’ on one’s daily route, here is some advice: The dog who feels its the neighbourhood James Bond can be dealt with by stopping your vehicle and giving a fierce growl to match the dog’s. I assure you that most Delhi dogs as well as Delhiites will turn tail at the sound. If you encounter a bull or a cow at breakneck speed, then go ahead and slam into them. The landing will definitely be softer and you will be too preoccupied trying to escape the animal’s fury to worry about injuries. It’s also an added bonus for other commuters, who get a first hand look at a good old bullfight. Ole.
I recently found that I am gifted with an ‘animal instinct’. Whether it is a gift or not is highly debatable. Consider this, every time I take my trusted 100-cc motorbike out on the roads of Delhi, the sound attracts every passing stray dog on the road, who chase the bike like it was a member of the opposite sex. Animal instinct indeed.At this point, I flee for his life by speeding away, but at the very next crossing, instead of any traffic policeman on duty, find another dog ready to vent his sexual frustration on my precious vehicle.Delhi’s dogs also seem to have an ‘attitude problem’. The last time I stopped at a traffic light, a dog nonchalantly walked up to my bike and proceeded to relieve himself on the newly retreaded front tire. By the time I realised what the ‘cunning canine’ was up to, the rascal vanished into thin air. Almost like a hit-and-run accident on the Capital’s roads. It seems that the dogs don’t realise Maneka Gandhi is not in the government anymore.Coming back to animal instinct, I had a first-hand experience of the Hindiproverb ‘aa bail mujhe maar. But in my case it was a bull instead of a ‘bail’, who had unfortunately decided to rest in the middle of the road. Well, the animal-lover that I am, I tried to avoid disturbing the animal’s rest, but in the process almost gave myself some rest...in peace. To avoid crashing into Lord Yama’s transport, I crashed my own transport, (yes, the same trusted bike that the dogs love) into the road-divider. The accident resulted in some nasty bruises, a tetanus injection and of course sick leave. Now, I go around telling people that I used my animal instinct to get my insensitive company to give me sick leave.
Of course any story about NCR roads is incomplete without the mention of cattle. A cow blocking the road is such a routine happening in our country that people don’t seem to mind anymore. One wouldn’t be surprised if accident figures show cows at par with blueline drivers for causing the maximum road mishaps. Like most Delhiites, I’ve had my share of ‘cattle-battles’. In fact, I tried to banish my ‘cow-wardice’ on the roads with a serious man-to-cow talk. So when I ran into a cow the other day, I gave it a piece of my mind on traffic rules. The rude animal however, continued to chew something in a rather arrogant fashion, almost like an Australian cricketer and completely ignored me. I felt like I was facing a babu ina government office.To avoid such ‘animal anomalies’ on one’s daily route, here is some advice: The dog who feels its the neighbourhood James Bond can be dealt with by stopping your vehicle and giving a fierce growl to match the dog’s. I assure you that most Delhi dogs as well as Delhiites will turn tail at the sound. If you encounter a bull or a cow at breakneck speed, then go ahead and slam into them. The landing will definitely be softer and you will be too preoccupied trying to escape the animal’s fury to worry about injuries. It’s also an added bonus for other commuters, who get a first hand look at a good old bullfight. Ole.
